Thursday, March 30, 2017

My vision

Late last week, I developed a headache at work. I told my guy about it. He told me to take it easy. We both felt that it was due to work.

Last Friday, I went out for lunch with my two students and my manager. I didn't like the food at the restaurant that we had chosen. We asked for separate bills. My manager asked me to read his bill. The print was faint. I couldn't read it. It was dark at the restaurant, too. It was a sign.

On the weekend, I noticed that my right eye's vision seemed fuzzy. I thought that perhaps my astigmatism had become worse. However, my vision has never experienced such a drastic change. It was different. Things looked wavy, such as signs, depending on the angle at which I was looking. Other times, things looked okay.

Monday made me decide to get my eyesight checked out. We had a manager come visit us. His head was alongside the person who was sitting in front of me. I got dizzy looking at both of them. It is unlike me to feel that way. I decided to get an appointment with my eye doctor first thing on Tuesday morning.

I took a sick day on Tuesday and headed to my appointment. After doing a series of tests, including a fancy retina exam, it was found that I have bleeding in my right eye that is affecting some of my central vision. This bleeding explains why my vision seems wavy.

She said that this vessel bleeding is either due to diabetes or high blood pressure. She was leaning towards the latter. I had visited my doctor two weeks ago. My blood pressure was normal.

My eye doctor then asked me whether I was going through some stress. For a while, I didn't think that I was. However, when I think it through, I have inherited another person's workload. My workload was already pretty loaded. I am essentially doing the workload of nearly three people.

My body is saying that I can't handle the stress.

She has set up an appointment for me to see an opthalmologist, which is slated for the following Friday. In the meantime, my eye pressure is fine and she doesn't deem my situation to be an emergency.

I wrote an e-mail to my manager, indicating that I'd need a private conversation with him about my health situation and my workload. I get to discuss that later on today. I do not want my entire team to know my medical condition at this stage, especially when I don't know much until I get more answers.

I will be stating that I need to reduce my workload and pace. I will pass tasks off to my two students. My health is non-negotiable. Without my health, there is no me.

I updated my guy on the situation. He is still hoping that all will be okay, but he is concerned, as am I. He is sweet and told me that he wished that he could hold me.

Even far away, it's nice to feel his love.

In the meantime, lying down has helped me out. I find that I get dizzy if I am looking at my computer for a long period. It's not bad blogging, as it's brief. It's worse when I am working for a full day.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Manuals from sleepyhead

Before my guy left for his trip, he managed to leave me a stack of training manuals. Most of them are for my students. Two of the manuals are for someone who works on a different floor of our building. We both know each other. He used to be a quality assurance person, but switched over to being an application developer.

My guy left me an e-mail, apologizing for the delay in getting the manuals to me. Although my guy is busy, he remembered getting them to me, which is great. He also asked if it was okay to have this application developer fetch the manuals from me. Naturally, I was okay with this gesture. It's better to drop off manuals in one location than deliver them on two different floors when your mind is on getting to the airport to catch your flight.

This application developer has yet to contact me. I suppose that if he doesn't, his manuals are mine!

My guy is doing well. He doesn't handle jet lag well. He has a seven-hour difference, but he does manage to get his nap in during lunch.

He misses me. He told me that he hopes to see me soon. It's definitely mutual.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

My guy telling me that I am bad on his birthday

My guy's birthday was yesterday. We are rarely together on each other's birthday. Last year was one of those rare, special occasions.

I sent my guy an e-card. I also wrote him a loving e-mail. I listed my favourite CB-isms from him. Some of them include the following:
  • I demand whining!
  • I am a woolly mammoth, with a tusk that needs polishing.
  • Just give me the f*ckin' PowerPoint! 
I ended my e-mail by saying, "Your good girl."

A few hours later, my guy responded. He loved both my e-mail and e-card. I could tell by all the smiley emoticons. I especially liked the end of his sweet e-mail:
P.S. You are still a bad girl!
I like when he tells me that I am.

Monday, March 27, 2017

Diametrically opposed periods

On Saturday, I spent the day with a good friend. We have been friends since grade 7.

Growing up, she lived in the suburbs and I lived in Toronto. We both went to the same senior public and high schools in the eastern part of Toronto. We were in touch while we attended different universities. I then moved away to another province and country, eventually finding my way back to the greater Toronto area. She ended up moving to Toronto and staying there. We still got together whenever I was in town and we kept in touch through the years.

In June, she will be moving to eastern Ontario, in a city that is roughly a two-hour drive away from me. It's not too bad, considering that we'll be meeting midway somewhere.

I am excited for her. The change will be good for her. Naturally, I will miss hanging out with her as frequently as we have been these days. However, distance has never been an issue for us.

As weird as this segment will be, we seem to be diametrically opposed in some areas of our lives. We both realized that menstrual cycles are one such area.

She let me know as we were driving to one of our favourite restaurants that she is perimenopausal. It basically means that she is experiencing irregular menstrual cycles and menopausal symptoms, such as hot flashes, earlier than you typically do as a woman. She seems to get getting her period every six months. Her doctor has said that either she will continue this irregular pattern or her period will cease.

As for me, I experienced the complete opposite experience. When I first got my period in grade 7, my period was irregular right from the start. Mine never happened monthly. Sometimes, it was six months later. Other times, it could have been a year. My thyroid checked out fine. I was given pills to regulate my period and so on.

It wasn't until I lost sixty pounds nearly six years ago that my menstrual cycle became a monthly, predictable event. Hormones are interesting. I had lost and gained weight many times in my life, and my period continued to be irregular. It wasn't until I lost a significant amount of weight and kept it off that my hormones stabilized.

So, my good friend and I are like two ships in the night, except that we are Cancerian and often meet by water.

Saturday, March 25, 2017

A colleague going through a second divorce

I get along with most of my colleagues. Naturally, I don't get along with everyone. There is the odd one that ends up being negative towards me. I can't deal with that toxicity, but I still end up working with this person to get whatever work-related tasks completed.

In this post, I am focusing on a colleague whom I have known for several years. She started a year after I did. She has held a number of positions at the company, including technical support, quality assurance, and software development.

A few years ago, she got married. I spoke to both of them together and on separate occasions at work.

That marriage didn't work out. Both my guy and I were surprised that it didn't, because they seemed to be a good fit.

Her hometown is Istanbul. She is a Canadian citizen. Shortly after her divorce, she returned to Istanbul. A year later, she met a man, dated, and got married yet again. My guy and I were thrilled that she had found love and happiness again.

She and her husband moved back to Canada. A couple of months ago, we bumped into each other in the kitchen at the office. We caught up. Her locker is next to mine.

On Friday, I visited the women's washroom at work. I opened the door and she was there looking in the mirror. She said hi to me and I reciprocated. She confided in me that her second marriage has dissolved. I didn't do any probing. When she is comfortable about sharing such details with me, she will. I let her know that if she wanted to talk about anything, I was there for her. She seemed to appreciate it.

Being divorced, I get how hard it can be on multiple levels. I won't be able to comprehend going through it twice, but I know that it is never pleasant dissolving a marriage. 

Friday, March 24, 2017

Being good, but bad

Although we both don't like to end our phone conversations, they do have to end sometime. We tend to lengthen them for a few more minutes.
"Be good, even though you have a hard time doing so," he said.
"What do you mean? I am your good girl," I insisted.
"No, you are my bad girl. Why do you think I have to spank you?" he asked me.
"You just like punishing me, whether I am good or bad," I remarked.
"I got a confession from you that you're a bad girl," he reminded me.
"I only admitted that I was bad to make the spanking stop," I reasoned.
"The confession is still valid in my books," he insisted.
"You did say that I was a good girl. Can't you do it again?" I asked.
"I made a mistake by calling you a good girl twice. We know that you're bad. When I return, I will show you how bad you are," he warned.
"You make me happy," I replied.
All our conversations should end on such a fun note.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Depression and signs of love

A friend of mine told me the other day that his son has been suspended from his high school for a few weeks. It kind of took me by surprise.

His son has been experimenting with some sort of drug in pill form. He has been taking it for at least a couple of weeks with some friends. Apparently, while he was high, he slapped the butt of a female student, which caused his suspension from school.

You hear all these stories about pills that get you high and how potent they can get. Some simply die from taking a single pill. So, I am grateful that his son is alive. However, there must be an underlying reason why he experimented with his friends.

My friend advised that his son is depressed. His son is in grade 9. I always feel that the transition between grades 6 and 7, and grades 8 and 9 to be the most difficult. For me, it was the former. I was incredibly depressed in grade 7 that I didn't want to go to school. It didn't make sense considering how much of I love to learn. I needed someone to talk about it, but I felt like I was being dismissed.

My cry for help was missing a ton of school. I managed to get counselling, which helped me talk things through and out. It made me realize that, despite missing nearly a month of school, that I still had decent marks. I still passed everything. I even managed to get the third highest mark in shop class out of all things!

His son is obese. His parents and daughter are bright as can be. He doesn't fit that mould. So, he is getting help by talking things through. I can only hope that things getting better for my friend's son and his family.

I told my guy about that. My guy and I know that both depression and anxiety tend to run in the family. Support is key. My guy has been doing pretty well getting help and being on medication. Naturally, it's different from one person to the next.
"I miss you," I said to him after our chat.
"Likewise," he told me. "I miss smacking your butt for being you."
"That makes me happy," I said.
My guy is happy and doing fine these days. I can't ask for anything more.

I went to the local drug store later that evening to pick up some vitamins. I found the purple sheep stuffed toy that my guy had bought me. There was only one left. It seemed like a nice sign that my guy is always with me, no matter where I go.

It's nice that I can come home and have reminders around that I am loved, especially when he is abroad.